Over the past couple months I have been so busy with life that my life was slipping away from me. I was so caught up in the newness of College Station activities; and then time home over break was consumed with the desire to cram everything into my schedule before I left for Texas again. What I thought was living life to its fullness and enjoying every moment was really ignoring life's big picture in order to take pleasure in the moment. Now that the newness has worn off and my vacation is over, I am left with real life responsibilities. All the drastic changes that occurred last semester - and even some over Christmas break - finally hit me, and I could feel all their sting. I know all of this stems from emotion, but that emotion stems from a particular mindset that was long overdue for an adjustment.
With the new year will come a new set of hardships, and I want to be prepared for when they come my way. This has forced me to evaluate my mindset. Most Christians know that we are commanded to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matt 22:37); but not many of us have really taken that verse apart to see what we are being commanded to do. For almost two weeks, I had been sobbing away my sorrows and burying my burdens instead of seeking help. I was allowing my mind to torture me about all the sad things I've had to go through and allowed myself to believe that I was alone. But over a week ago, I went to a Breakaway Bible study conference and my heart was awakened to what I needed to do. I started studying. Anytime I had the urge to burst into tears, I grabbed my Bible or a Bible study book.
It's amazing to know that God is speaking directly to you when you discover that the very words you need to hear are put right in front of you. My mother bought me a Bible study by Elizabeth George last semester entitled "Loving God with all Your Mind." At the time, I thought my mind was on a pretty good track, so I set the book aside. Little did I know that God would use this very book to help me through the next semester. I came home from Breakaway and reached up on my shelf to see what I could find. I grabbed this book and couldn't put it down. We are to love God with all our mind. My constant meditation on my pain was hurtful to myself and also disobedient to God.
As I am reading this amazing book and attending a few Bible studies, I am rediscovering my joy in Christ. I know that I am always loved by God, and He is enough for me. By filling my mind with God's promises and His word, I am overwhelmed with joy, no matter what my circumstances. I can face the trials and tribulation because I have Christ by my side. Nothing can rob me of my joy because my joy is safe with Him. Today, I can smile and be excited for what God is doing in my life. Living life is about glorifying God; and that is when I am living life to its fullest.
Some verses that have helped me:
James 1:2-4
Philippians 4:8
1 Thessalonians 5:15-23
2 Timothy 1:9
Romans 8:35
Ephesians 2:10
John 1:12
Song that currently depicts me:
"Happy Girl" by Martina McBride
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsQi3bvgM9s
Radio station that is helping me:
NGEN 93.3FM
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
A Changing Perspective On Change
As if my life didn't have enough change already, another unexpected and unwanted event presents itself. To put this recent event into context, I moved halfway across the country all by myself, my home church of 10 years is dividing, my well thought out and carefully planned career future is turned upside down, and now to really mix everything up I was involved in a major car accident today. If there was ever a time to add another drastic change to my life, it would be now. I guess that's why I'm not so shocked over the whole situation.
My last class for the day had just ended and I left campus to get on the freeway. A lot of students get out at that time too, so there was a line to turn on the onramp. As I sat there impatiently contemplating the thought of changing lanes to get ahead of the long line of cars, I checked the rear view mirror to see if any cars were coming. It was then that I saw the front end of a large truck right at my back bumper. I braced myself and took the hit. The entire back half of my car was smashed inward. The force of the impact caused me to ram into the car in front of me. I was smashed like an accordion between the two cars. After the impact, I started to freak out when a voice inside my head gave me two options: 1) freak out, or 2) suppress the desire to panic and handle the situation. With the help of the Lord, I chose option two and was able to maintain control. The guy who hit me came out of his car and tapped on my window, asking if I was alright. The girl in front of me that my car hit came over asking as well. I opened my door and relieved their minds and asked if they in turn were not hurt. By the grace of God, we were all totally fine. I am so very thankful for seat-belts. I suggested that we get out of the street and onto the sidewalk to sort this out. I took pictures (I posted some below) and swapped information with them. While I was making the call, the cops had already started on the scene. It was like everyone was invited to the party because not only the cops came, but the fire truck, the ambulance, the highway patrol, and the tow truck all wanted in on the fun. After the medics and cops got all the information they needed, my car was towed away. Sadly, it is just a smashed up piece of metal now. Amazingly, the guy who hit me and the girl in front of me did not have much damage and were able to drive off. I was escorted from the scene by one of the officers.
While I am very sad about my car (because I loved that car and I'm really going to miss it), I am so very grateful thinking over how it all happened. I wasn't on the freeway - thank God. I was able to brace for impact and control the position of my body - thank God. Nothing and no one was in my car (because the back seat was completely smashed in) - thank God. The other drivers and their cars were totally fine - thank God. My car took the impact well so that I was not crushed with it - thank God. I was able to gain composure and take control of the situation - thank God. I knew what to do and who to call - thank God. My dad was able to answer the phone right when I called - thank God. The whole situation was taken care of without any hassles - thank God. And I don't have to be anywhere until Friday - thank God. Every step in this process was taken care of by the Lord. My previous fender tap not too long ago taught me how to respond to car situations. I freaked out then, but I learned from it so that I would be prepared for today. Nothing happens without a reason. God is in control. He is showing me more and more about Himself, and teaching me to become more and more dependent upon Him.
Change can be fun, but most of the time we don't like change. I am struggling with all the changes in my life. Some are good, but some are bad. Nothing seems to be certain. But there is one thing I know is certain, and it is that God will take care of me, no matter what comes my way. His plan is so much better than my own; and while following Him can be kinda scary at times not seeing what's ahead, I can rest assured that it will be for His glory and His purpose. I can say praise God, because He is most definitely worthy of all praise!
My last class for the day had just ended and I left campus to get on the freeway. A lot of students get out at that time too, so there was a line to turn on the onramp. As I sat there impatiently contemplating the thought of changing lanes to get ahead of the long line of cars, I checked the rear view mirror to see if any cars were coming. It was then that I saw the front end of a large truck right at my back bumper. I braced myself and took the hit. The entire back half of my car was smashed inward. The force of the impact caused me to ram into the car in front of me. I was smashed like an accordion between the two cars. After the impact, I started to freak out when a voice inside my head gave me two options: 1) freak out, or 2) suppress the desire to panic and handle the situation. With the help of the Lord, I chose option two and was able to maintain control. The guy who hit me came out of his car and tapped on my window, asking if I was alright. The girl in front of me that my car hit came over asking as well. I opened my door and relieved their minds and asked if they in turn were not hurt. By the grace of God, we were all totally fine. I am so very thankful for seat-belts. I suggested that we get out of the street and onto the sidewalk to sort this out. I took pictures (I posted some below) and swapped information with them. While I was making the call, the cops had already started on the scene. It was like everyone was invited to the party because not only the cops came, but the fire truck, the ambulance, the highway patrol, and the tow truck all wanted in on the fun. After the medics and cops got all the information they needed, my car was towed away. Sadly, it is just a smashed up piece of metal now. Amazingly, the guy who hit me and the girl in front of me did not have much damage and were able to drive off. I was escorted from the scene by one of the officers.
While I am very sad about my car (because I loved that car and I'm really going to miss it), I am so very grateful thinking over how it all happened. I wasn't on the freeway - thank God. I was able to brace for impact and control the position of my body - thank God. Nothing and no one was in my car (because the back seat was completely smashed in) - thank God. The other drivers and their cars were totally fine - thank God. My car took the impact well so that I was not crushed with it - thank God. I was able to gain composure and take control of the situation - thank God. I knew what to do and who to call - thank God. My dad was able to answer the phone right when I called - thank God. The whole situation was taken care of without any hassles - thank God. And I don't have to be anywhere until Friday - thank God. Every step in this process was taken care of by the Lord. My previous fender tap not too long ago taught me how to respond to car situations. I freaked out then, but I learned from it so that I would be prepared for today. Nothing happens without a reason. God is in control. He is showing me more and more about Himself, and teaching me to become more and more dependent upon Him.
Change can be fun, but most of the time we don't like change. I am struggling with all the changes in my life. Some are good, but some are bad. Nothing seems to be certain. But there is one thing I know is certain, and it is that God will take care of me, no matter what comes my way. His plan is so much better than my own; and while following Him can be kinda scary at times not seeing what's ahead, I can rest assured that it will be for His glory and His purpose. I can say praise God, because He is most definitely worthy of all praise!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Major: Animal Science, Career: undecided
All A's in high school, valedictorian of the senior class, 4.17 GPA for doing high school college courses, Dean's list and President's list first year in college at a 4-year university, on my way to medical school as cream of the crop. Ever since I was a little girl, I pushed myself to get the best grades in school. I remember crying in 4th grade for getting one B that year on my report card. If you think that's pathetic, I did it again in high school for getting a B on a single chemistry exam. Grades have been everything to me. My parents saw that I got good grades, and so it simply became expected of me. Of course, this kind of expectation was self-imposed, so, to my parents, no news was good news. Somehow, I always had this fear in the back of my mind that after years of good grades, if I made a bad grade, everyone would think I wasn't smart anymore or that I became lazy and didn't study enough.
My motivation for getting good grades was not for people to think I was smart or that I was special in any way. Rather, my whole goal in pushing myself was to get into medical school to become a veterinarian. Since vet school is so competitive, only those with GPA 3.5 or higher are even looked at in choosing students. I wanted to be the cream of the crop with the highest grades a student could achieve. That way, my entrance into vet school would be practically guaranteed.
I love animals. All my life I've wanted to be around animals. When I was 8 years old, my 2nd grade teacher was talking with the class about different jobs we could do when we grow up. She said that the boys might like playing with fire and become a firefighter, or that girls might like drawing pictures and become an artist; but when she said we might like animals and become a veterinarian, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up: a veterinarian. Ever since then, whenever I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say a veterinarian. My parents and my grandparents all said that God had revealed to me at an early age what He wanted me to do. I thought so too.
In high school I became close friends with a girl who loved animals just like me. She too wanted to become a veterinarian. I spent a lot of time with her and saw how dedicated she was to her grades like I was. Being a year older than me, she started looking at colleges and felt she should go to a school close to home. Cal Poly Pomona was a perfect fit for her where she could begin working on her first 4 years of pre-vet courses and still be close to home. That sounded wonderful to me, so I followed in her footsteps, doing the exact same thing. To get into Cal Poly Pomona, however, I had to have perfect grades since only a few students were being admitted that year. Being one of the few students out of a hundred chosen, I got into Cal Poly Pomona. I planned on being there with my friend for the next few years.
As a christian, I knew that I didn't have to become a missionary or a Sunday school teacher in order to serve the Lord with an occupation. I could use any career to bring Him glory. It did puzzle me, however, how I would be able to use a Veterinarian degree to serve Christ. Witnessing through interaction with people and healing God's creatures seemed like a good fit, but being a doctor wouldn't allow me to do very many activities at the church. My time would be eaten up with paper work and research. My high school friend talked about using her vet degree to go on missions trips to countries where a village cow is sick and needed treatment. She could heal the cow and share the gospel all in one trip. That sounded great to me, so I adopted that idea as my own, even though I wasn't personally called to it. It made me feel better about being a christian veterinarian.
Soon enough, I realized that Cal Poly Pomona was not going to work for me. Without being there longer than a month, I knew I couldn't stay there. The budget cuts California faced forced the schools to cut back teachers and resources, which in turn limited the amount of classes available to students. I had decided to sign up for priority registration by pledging to take enough units to graduate in 4 years. That gave me a little bit of an advantage, but it did not guarantee classes by any means. It was a fight just to get on a waitlist for a class. The pressure of taking enough classes and still maintaining straight A's was enough to worry about, but when the teachers started switching around in the middle of the quarter, and the staff telling me conflicting information on what classes I actually needed, I knew I needed to get out of there and fast. That's when I decided to look at Texas A&M as a possibility. Plus, if I got in now, I would have greater chances of getting into their vet school later. So, after a year of stressing out over getting good grades at Cal Poly Pomona, I finally was able to move to Texas.
My whole life I have been pushing for this, claiming it was God's will. From report cards in elementary school, to valedictorian in high school, to President's list at Cal Poly Pomona, to now Texas; every thing has been leading up to me getting here. But when I came out here, something happened. As I started meeting people, and going to church and other Bible studies, God has been working on my heart. I am finally starting to realize that my purpose for being out here is not so I can go to vet school. I don't know exactly why I am here, but I know that there is so much more God wants to show me out in Texas. I have been in a spiritual lull for the past couple years, just waiting for my faith to be on fire again. I have been on my knees praying for God to show me direction. I thought I had everything all planned out, but in reality, I don't. But that's it! I don't have it all planned out! And I don't need to.
God led me here to Texas in less than a year of learning it's existence. Every step in getting here was a major step of faith. I didn't know how it was all going to work out, but God showed me where to go and I simply followed. God is in control of my future... not me. Relying on that, and not on myself, is one of the most difficult challenges I face. God wanted me out here for a reason. That reason is so much more than simply school. My faith is on fire! And not because I know where to go or what to do, but because God is showing me incredible things about my future, one little step at a time. Relying on God rather than myself is so much more assuring and fulfilling than anything I have ever experienced.
So now that I am out here, my goal is to pursue a deeper relationship with Christ so that I can hear Him tell me my next step. I'm still pursuing veterinary education, and I know I am called to work with animals. However, where God has me in this field, is still yet to be seen... what God wants me to do out here is still yet to be seen... but as long as I remain close to Him and trust Him rather than myself, I know I will be exactly who God wants me to be, doing exactly what He has called me to do. It's not about grades, and it's not about school. It's about what God wants to show me so that I can better serve Him. Praise the Lord!
My motivation for getting good grades was not for people to think I was smart or that I was special in any way. Rather, my whole goal in pushing myself was to get into medical school to become a veterinarian. Since vet school is so competitive, only those with GPA 3.5 or higher are even looked at in choosing students. I wanted to be the cream of the crop with the highest grades a student could achieve. That way, my entrance into vet school would be practically guaranteed.
I love animals. All my life I've wanted to be around animals. When I was 8 years old, my 2nd grade teacher was talking with the class about different jobs we could do when we grow up. She said that the boys might like playing with fire and become a firefighter, or that girls might like drawing pictures and become an artist; but when she said we might like animals and become a veterinarian, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up: a veterinarian. Ever since then, whenever I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say a veterinarian. My parents and my grandparents all said that God had revealed to me at an early age what He wanted me to do. I thought so too.
In high school I became close friends with a girl who loved animals just like me. She too wanted to become a veterinarian. I spent a lot of time with her and saw how dedicated she was to her grades like I was. Being a year older than me, she started looking at colleges and felt she should go to a school close to home. Cal Poly Pomona was a perfect fit for her where she could begin working on her first 4 years of pre-vet courses and still be close to home. That sounded wonderful to me, so I followed in her footsteps, doing the exact same thing. To get into Cal Poly Pomona, however, I had to have perfect grades since only a few students were being admitted that year. Being one of the few students out of a hundred chosen, I got into Cal Poly Pomona. I planned on being there with my friend for the next few years.
As a christian, I knew that I didn't have to become a missionary or a Sunday school teacher in order to serve the Lord with an occupation. I could use any career to bring Him glory. It did puzzle me, however, how I would be able to use a Veterinarian degree to serve Christ. Witnessing through interaction with people and healing God's creatures seemed like a good fit, but being a doctor wouldn't allow me to do very many activities at the church. My time would be eaten up with paper work and research. My high school friend talked about using her vet degree to go on missions trips to countries where a village cow is sick and needed treatment. She could heal the cow and share the gospel all in one trip. That sounded great to me, so I adopted that idea as my own, even though I wasn't personally called to it. It made me feel better about being a christian veterinarian.
Soon enough, I realized that Cal Poly Pomona was not going to work for me. Without being there longer than a month, I knew I couldn't stay there. The budget cuts California faced forced the schools to cut back teachers and resources, which in turn limited the amount of classes available to students. I had decided to sign up for priority registration by pledging to take enough units to graduate in 4 years. That gave me a little bit of an advantage, but it did not guarantee classes by any means. It was a fight just to get on a waitlist for a class. The pressure of taking enough classes and still maintaining straight A's was enough to worry about, but when the teachers started switching around in the middle of the quarter, and the staff telling me conflicting information on what classes I actually needed, I knew I needed to get out of there and fast. That's when I decided to look at Texas A&M as a possibility. Plus, if I got in now, I would have greater chances of getting into their vet school later. So, after a year of stressing out over getting good grades at Cal Poly Pomona, I finally was able to move to Texas.
My whole life I have been pushing for this, claiming it was God's will. From report cards in elementary school, to valedictorian in high school, to President's list at Cal Poly Pomona, to now Texas; every thing has been leading up to me getting here. But when I came out here, something happened. As I started meeting people, and going to church and other Bible studies, God has been working on my heart. I am finally starting to realize that my purpose for being out here is not so I can go to vet school. I don't know exactly why I am here, but I know that there is so much more God wants to show me out in Texas. I have been in a spiritual lull for the past couple years, just waiting for my faith to be on fire again. I have been on my knees praying for God to show me direction. I thought I had everything all planned out, but in reality, I don't. But that's it! I don't have it all planned out! And I don't need to.
God led me here to Texas in less than a year of learning it's existence. Every step in getting here was a major step of faith. I didn't know how it was all going to work out, but God showed me where to go and I simply followed. God is in control of my future... not me. Relying on that, and not on myself, is one of the most difficult challenges I face. God wanted me out here for a reason. That reason is so much more than simply school. My faith is on fire! And not because I know where to go or what to do, but because God is showing me incredible things about my future, one little step at a time. Relying on God rather than myself is so much more assuring and fulfilling than anything I have ever experienced.
So now that I am out here, my goal is to pursue a deeper relationship with Christ so that I can hear Him tell me my next step. I'm still pursuing veterinary education, and I know I am called to work with animals. However, where God has me in this field, is still yet to be seen... what God wants me to do out here is still yet to be seen... but as long as I remain close to Him and trust Him rather than myself, I know I will be exactly who God wants me to be, doing exactly what He has called me to do. It's not about grades, and it's not about school. It's about what God wants to show me so that I can better serve Him. Praise the Lord!
Monday, September 12, 2011
From California to Texas
Well, here I am in Texas. I’m swamped with homework and the addition of a job is just about to make my schedule even crazier. I share a house with strangers, and I am 15,000 miles away from the nearest familiar face. Sometimes I wonder how I even got here, or why I even came in the first place. Even people that meet me and find out that I left California think I must have lost my mind. To be completely honest, I don’t even know for sure why I am out here. I felt a leading from the Lord and in a leap of faith I followed Him here.
Little did I know when I visited this place last September that I would be living here in less than a year. My infatuation with the vet school at Texas A&M led me to look into the possibility of attending. As I searched for God’s will in this, I saw how the doors of opportunity came flying open. There has been no mistake in thinking this has been ordained by God. So many people have been a part of getting me where I am. Each person was used in such a miraculous way, from getting me my classes, to providing me with a job. I have been incredibly blessed!
After three weeks out here, I am still getting my bearings. I know I am supposed to be here, but I am still trying to figure out why God has me here instead of somewhere else. Not that I mind. I love Texas. But there are other vet schools I could be attending, including the pre-vet program I left back in California. Why God has chosen this course for me now is a big part of discovering who I am in Christ, and what His purpose is for me here.
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